This Seemed So Much Easier In My Mind

Trying to work a month-long fundraiser is no skip down easy lane.  Every day: new posts, new sales pitches, new thank-you's--just new everything. It's a long haul, so new strategies have to be constantly created, explored, implemented, or tossed away.  Not that I'm complaining.  Already, the response has been generous and kind.  That's the part that surprises me the most. People are so happy to see you fulfill your dream.  Not a penny seems to have come from someone who felt obligated to pitch in.  I feel very fortunate in that.  I still have many more pennies to collect, but we're on the way.

The other side of the equation is the shock from some people that I am being so open about my bi-polar disorder.  People rarely talk about something so potentially off-putting.  They don't feel comfortable knowing someone has issues leaving an apartment.  Or that medication will be necessary for life.  Those are "facts" few want to hear about someone they care about.  Mental disorders scare people. They can't be seen concretely, like a broken leg, or a cancerous growth, or even kidney failure.  Cancer and kidney failure are far more dangerous than bi-polar disorder, but the world knows about them.  We've seen TV programs, read articles, seen movies, known relatives, have been diagnosed.  When a TV program like Homeland stars a character with bi-polar disorder--named Carrie Mathison and played by Claire Danes--suddenly viewers start judging if the behavior shone is "realistic", as if all people with it act the same.  These are people without bi-polar disorder, mind you. Go on Netflix, for instance, and read how many viewers complained that Carrie's behavior was too far from "reality" for someone in her position.  But they have missed the point.  People like her exist in all professions.  I can attest to her behavior swings.  I can attest to the schizoid nature of your brain, where it can be working on something extremely complex, while making your body go through all kinds of hell.  I think Danes has done a great job of showing a well-rounded person with a life-altering mental disorder.  And the writing has reflected this quite well, especially given the nature of the program.  But at least that's just a character on TV.  No one you actually know.  People like me are too real for some people.  Those kind of facts are "too much information."  Yes, things are getting better.  More is being shown on all forms of programming.  More books are out.  CBS gave a "CBS cares" segment to bi-polar disorder.  But the man who spends the majority of his time inside a one bedroom apartment is better ignored.  This Kickstarter campaign has turned the light on me.  I'm lucky that the majority of people are so happy about what I've accomplished and hope to accomplish still.  The fact that others are bothered is a whole different kind of light.